In Bed With Kelly Carlson

On the surface, you'd think that Kelly Carlson is Kimber Henry - the latest in TV culture's obsession with the bad girl, one that happens to be deeply knitted into the fabric of another cultural obsession- plastic surgery- which just happens to be obsessive root of one of television's kinkiest, starkest dramas, Nip/Tuck.

The soap opera filled with desperate characters living dire existences where only psychological and physical abuse (not just Botox taken to an extreme) gets them off. Soothes their souls. Balms their wounds.

On the surface, Kimber is but a bimbo- another model-cum-actress who turned to sucking up cocaine and porn. And plastic surgeon Dr. Christian Troy (Julian McMahon). Repeatedly. It certainly helped (him, the surgeon) that they were dating. And that he was on top in every way.

But the vixen-ish Kimber grew up before our very eyes. Got a great job as a porn director (control). Turned her relationship with Troy into one where he needed and wanted her on her terms (control). And when she left him at the altar in this season's next-to-last show, he became a simpering child and she somehow the victor.

That's real control.

"Men love a woman who love themselves- the confidence," says Carlson, who turns 30 years old mere moments after Valentine's Day, with a confidential whisper."

They respect her and want her more for it." She means her self. Men love her for that confident cool. And who wouldn't?

Women love her too.

"I may not relate to being a porn director," she says while sitting in her parents' home in Minneapolis, Minn., over the Christmas holiday, "but I understand Kimber. She's very much a 'don't-judge-a-book-by-its-cover' type.

"Like Kimber, Carlson's personal life and self-strengthening agenda is more than the sum of its parts. Carlson, the Minnesota-born equestrian and model-turned-actress who started her professional life in another even-more-bizarre soap opera- the day-timer Passions- has made herself into a paragon of empowerment and a pillar of self-loving, knowing sexuality in the decade in which she's become a working actress.

She understands herself.

She understands men.

Do people you're dating ever try to scam you- cheap out and give you one gift for the two neighboring holidays, your birthday and Valentine's?

Kelly Carlson: They would be killed.

Do you remember your first Valentine?

KC: Yes, I do. It was Neil Anderson in, like, third grade. (laughs). He gave me an ankle bracelet as a gift. No. Oh, wait. Maybe it was Derek (laughs).

Look at you. What about that first serious, adult Valentine- the big adult one, when you were old enough to drink?

KC: A boyfriend of mine and I went to Las Ventanas- one of my favorite hotels in Cabo Real- when I was 23. Wait- God, I'm sorry. We were in Miami.

Are you good at relationships?

KC: Yes, because I understand men very well. And they've always been long term. I probably had some dates with guys I didn't really like. (laughs) But the rest have been long ones- good ones. And you wanna know why I'm good? Because, even today, all of my old boyfriends- every man I've dated- would still like to date me today. I'm just holding out. (laughs).

What the hell specifically do you understand about us? I'm a man. And I don't always get it.

KC: Men put up facades. But they're all pretty similar. It's important for a man to have a woman who loves them through and through. They can be a swinging independent playboy. But in their core, they want just to be loved thoroughly. And- of course-they're visual beings. So I don't get threatened by other women.

Seeing all women's beauty is part of man's nature.

KC: Right. A girl in Men's Edge is no direct threat to me. But so many women just take things like that- the sight of another woman- so personally. If women would just relax, it would be so much better. Because men love confidence in a woman.

Are you a vengeful person if things go wrong? Got an instance you can share, that's within the limits of legality?

KC: If someone really does me wrong I can be a little spiteful. When I was younger, yes. I remember taking my then-boyfriend in Minnesota's stereo out of his car during a snowstorm- when he wasn't looking- and putting it under his back tire. When he backed over it, I told him it was his fault. But he cheated on me. Now, I wouldn't bother. If a man's going to cheat, he's going to cheat. It's up to me whether I want to stay in the relationship or not.

So what's your take on beauty- does a man want a woman with brains or boobs?

KC: We all judge each other if you say you're not you a lair. A man is proud to be with a beautiful woman because it makes him look better to his peers.

Makes me look a lot better.

Kelly Carlson: But if I- or a woman- don't have a brain and sense of humor to back it up, it won't last. It can't. Men have to have someone they can relate to. That's why I think these dating scenarios with huge age gaps are ludicrous. Men love it when you understand them- you get them.And how Carlson gets them is by treating her man right. An artful seduction; one where she- Carlson- sets the mood and the agenda, hot and high, with a hotel reservation at The W Hotel in Los Angeles, a lot of candles, and a well constructed seduction that would amaze any good scriptwriter. And we were there the entire time: from the lobby, to the elevator, to her hotel room where a mirror, then her bed, became her best friends until her boytoy arrived.

What's your take on a man's level of beauty?

KC: I'm different than a lot of women. It's not tops on my list. I need a man with a brain and humor first. I think I'm a sharp, quick-witted person. If I'm smarter than him, it's a problem.Right then, her cell phone rings as if on cue- it's her boyfriend. She explains she's doing an interview … and gets off quickly … then she whispers, "That's another thing. Don't always be available (giggles). Men like to know you have a life- ambition - that you think and live for yourself"

What level of preening in a man are you willing to put up with?

KC: I'm so not into metrosexual men. Even though I don't want to be a part of it, I want a man to go watch football. And be rugged. I like a clear definition. Sometimes I don't know if a man's gay or not.

No gaydar, huh?

KC: No. I want a man with a ton of testosterone. I like a rugged man. Strong hands. But clean. Nice nails. Good hygiene is important. But I like a man's man. I want to know that he likes women. Nowadays, you just don't know.

Are you the type of woman who'll methodically plan a seduction?

KC: I am. Ninety percent of the women out there probably don't buy themselves lingerie. They don't think their man is attracted to them anymore. They spend too much time comparing themselves to women like me- but I'm not that woman. I'm going to be so airbrushed when I get into Men's Edge. So women are discouraged.

But men appreciate confidence and the potential of being sexy rather than just the singular body parts. Or so you say.

KC: You may not have the best body- but if you feel and act like you do- guys just love ya. And they love any effort a woman makes on their part. It makes men think that women are trying to make them happy. Planning a night where you buy new lingerie and light candles and do something you think that's sexy- that means you're thinking of him all day. And you've been thinking of the sex you're going to have. I'm going to relax him. And I'm going to make love to him. Once in a while it's a pretty good thing to do. You need to keep a man's interest.

I'm pretty um, interested right now. Are men really into that added theatricality?

KC: They love to role play. When you're in bed and you're really with someone you love and trust, you can be whoever you want. No one's judging you. That a great tool.

What's going through your head during the photo shoot?

Kelly Carlson: That I like being sexy. And that the feminists can fight me all they want. The photo session brought out the alter ego in Carlson. Not just Kimber. It transformed Carlson into a super being, really. Maybe she understands the transference necessary to be both a super performer and a super sexual being. Currently, while Nip/Tuck heads for a break, she'll re-start a recurring role she had on Everwood; one where she'll play a sweeter woman on a sweeter show.

There is a kink in the Nip/Tuck's psychology. What's been the worst reaction- the most unpleasant one you had on the street?

KC: Most people love it and understand it. But I had a plastic surgeon yell at me. Very angry- big red face, starts sweating. He told me I was bad for his business. That he was a professional I had to calm him down and let him know that plastic surgery was just a metaphor on the show. Kimber's a metaphor for the whole show.

Kimber is a pretty girl that listens to other people as to what her faults are- namely her paramour. She externalized her internal struggle with that quick fix.

KC: Yes- you're 5 pounds overweight, your nose is a little pointy. But in season three- she's wasn't that girl anymore. You know how you hear a song too many times and get bored? Kimber needs a new song.

You've got confidence. Was self-esteem in your make-up?

KC: I didn't have it when I was 20 years old. It takes living.

Were you in an immensely angering relationship? Is that why all of this is so readily apparent?

KC: I got my heart broken. I was in a really bad relationship- as bad as you can get. I really had to stick up for myself. I'm writing this book called Breakups are Great- I have a section on anger. Anger is a good thing because you're sticking up for yourself. You love yourself. If somebody does you wrong, you have to be angry. The time that you're angry is also a good time to get things accomplished that you wouldn't normally do. Spite gives you fire- gives you reasons to change.

The show is flashy, graphic, elegantly decadent- but still poignant as to how the relationship between you and Troy is handled from twisted start, to tender middle, to a heinous near-finale.

Kelly Carlson: That's all about those boundaries that you need to set. You can't get self-esteem solely through a man's eyes- that's what Kimber did at first. Then she hit rock bottom. Then she got herself a job- not a mainstream job- but she found herself. She accomplished something tangible. And that made her proud. And she didn't need him anymore. And that made him want her more.