Ants In Her Pants

They say you're the one who's always got sex in your mental bank. Read on. We'll show you how to get her itching to make more deposits. Trust us.

When you're in a new relationship, the promise of sex is everywhere – in your body language, playful teasing and the images racing through her mind. She's thinking about sex with you. You're thinking about sex every four seconds instead of every eight and the element of anticipation comes so naturally that when it's gone, you're not even sure what's different.

“People in long-term relationships are always telling me that sex is boring,” says sex and relationship expert Tracey Cox, author of Hot Sex: How to Do It, Supersex and Hot Relationships. “What they're missing is spontaneity and novelty, but if you can recapture the sense of anticipation, you've actually got the ingredient for fantastic long-term sex.”

In fact, says Dr. Patti Britton, a clinical sexologist and author of The Art of Sex Coaching, “Anticipation is absolutely the No. 1 element of foreplay.”
Women consistently complain about a lack of foreplay in the bedroom, but that's not the key to great sex. Think of it this way: you could lead your partner to a bedroom door, unlock it and enter … or you can give her the key, send her into the bedroom ahead of time and when you enter, find her already naked and shifting her hips with a hot-as-hell, expectant look on her face.

And, man-to-man, if you can get a woman wet before you actually touch her … well, if you make that your new goal (instead of climaxing faster than you can say, “Where's the remote?”), you'll rarely fail in bed – even if she doesn't start out wet every time.

Here are some tactics:

1. Quickies
One of the best ways to maintain a great sex life is to have sex often – the more you do it, the more you want it, so the more you, um, do it. It works the same way with women, and she doesn't even have to come every time. “You can keep your libidos high by not having full sex all the time,” Cox says. “Try giving each other three minutes of oral sex and then stopping and going to work – that keeps people in a sexual simmer all day long.”

2. Flirt
If you think flirting is corny, think again, says April Masini, author of Date Out of Your League. “Flirting is teasing, and teasing builds anticipation,” she explains. Just keep it fresh and remember to push the envelope without getting crude or gross. “And remember, humor is an aphrodisiac you can use to punctuate your sexual advances.”

3. Create Suspense
When you add an element of uncertainty to anticipation, you're creating suspense. “Sometimes you don't want to know everything that's going to happen right away,” says Shanna Germain, a short-story writer who knows a little something about creating erotic suspense. “You're looking for things that keep sex on the forefront of your minds, but doesn't allow you to jump right in.” For instance, if you buy some new underwear and tell her that you're wearing them tonight, she's going to wonder what they're like. Her mind will be on sex and what she doesn't know, and that's where you want it.

4. Touch Her
When you're with your woman, “touch her in ways that suggest, but don't commit to sex,” Masini advises. “Consider the lightness of your touch, the places you touch. Remember that suggestive touch is sexier than overt touch.” For example, you might slide your hand behind her ear, your fingers in her hair at the nape of her neck. Instead of leaning in to kiss her, lightly pull her hair and then slide your hand back out. Resume your conversation as if the touch never happened.

5. Use Secret Codes
“Most couples have a code language,” Germain says. “For my husband and I, we have an old joke about doing laundry as a euphemism for having sex, so we can play with that in a way that other people don't get.” For instance, if you're at a party and your partner gets sassy, you can say, “Watch it, lady. If you keep that up, I'm going to make you do the laundry when we get home.”

6. E-mail and Texting
You have to be careful about sending incriminating e-mails to her when she's at work, but you can plant some seeds with careful innuendo or your own secret codes. Alternately, a well-timed text message can ignite her imagination while she's sitting in a boring business meeting.

7. Get Her to Add Clothes
One powerful move is to ask (or sometimes require) her to wear a certain piece of clothing that she knows turns you on. If you ask her to wear her black boots tonight, she'll know why, and boom, she's thinking about sex.

8. Be Unavailable
“A diamond wouldn't be precious to us if we had to step over a big pile of them every time we went out the front door,” Cox says. Tell your partner she can't have you Saturday night because you're going out with the guys; similarly, tell her she can have you from 5 p.m. to 6 p.m. Saturday, and then back out, saying you're going out with the guys. You might catch some flak, but shake it off. Unavailability works.

9. Use Your Bedroom Voice
“The voice you use in bed is different than the voice you use in the rest of the world, and if you don't have a bedroom voice already, get one!” Masini says. “What's different will be the tone of your voice, the cadence of your words and the range of your voice. This vocal foreplay will get her going. Trust me.”

10. Phone Sex
Speaking with your bedroom voice, call her on the phone from another room – or another state. Get her to place a chair in front of a full-length mirror. “So she's looking at herself in a full-length mirror, on the phone, while you tell her what you want her to do,” Cox says. “It's an absolute turn-on.”

11. Erotica
There's porn, of course, and watching it together can do it for a woman, except some women have hang-ups about it. If she's shy, ease into it. “I think you need to talk about exploring new things,” Germain says, “like reading erotica together, which really gives you some great ideas.”

12. Blindfold Her
Don't underestimate the blindfold. “If you remove the sense of sight, it's all about anticipation, isn't it?” Cox asks. “Even if you are doing the thing she's expecting, she doesn't know what second your mouth is going to land. And of course, the minute someone is blindfolded we instantly become a better tease.”

13. Tie Her Up
You've got to establish trust before you tie her up. Forget domination – make it about teasing, and you'll find success. “If you're tied up, and somebody just sits back and stops stimulating you for a few minutes, that's amazing. You're like, ‘Hurry up, hurry up,' but you can't do anything about it,” Cox says. “So that's quite good.”

14. The Downside to Anticipation
“In some ways anticipation can be overdone,” Germain warns. “If you get to the point where you're planning everything all the time, it can be a bad thing.” For men, this means that you need to be prepared, but don't go nuts with a script; your goal is to set up opportunities for fun, which will keep you both in hot states of anticipation for years to come.

When She Joins In

You know you've found a keeper when your girlfriend starts taking the initiative – you're doing your job and she's doing hers. For example, short-story writer Shanna Germain once shared with her husband an article out of a magazine about how to keep sex alive. The article included a provocative photo of a woman's ass, which he said looked like hers. About a month later, after he'd forgotten all about the article, she cut out the photo and wrote “Tonight?” on it before slipping it into his wallet.

“It was good anticipation for both sides because every day, I kept waiting for him to say something about the photo,” Germain says. “And then, finally, when I'd forgotten all about it, he came home and said,'You know, I opened my wallet today to get my credit card, and guess what I found? This really sexy photo.'”

Advanced Anticipation

If you're a sexually liberated couple, you might be able to amp up your anticipation with a couple of these advanced techniques:

1. Hidden Sex Toys: Instead of buying a sex toy together or sharing it right away, place it in a brown paper bag. Staple it shut and introduce the bag at the breakfast table. Tell her, “I've got something in there for us to use tonight. It'll be fun.”

2. Masturbate For Her: “Most women will never come out and say they enjoy watching men masturbate, but they do,” Cox says. She'll learn how you like it, which will stick in her mind for later, and in the moment, she'll likely start anticipating your touch.

3. Flirt With Others: “Seeing other people flirt with your partner can add the energy of anticipation,” Britton says, but you have to trust each other not to cheat in any way. “What flirting does is make your partner or your girlfriend see you as a desirable sexual object and anticipate when she's going to get you.